Make or Break @ 33

What's so special about 33?

I don't think that anyone ever reaches an age when you will feel ready and complete. At least, that's how I see every milestone or birthday. 

I'm always a work in progress... 

• I try to be better, kinder, productive and more patient every year. I try every time to be the person that my Mama can be proud of. 
• I try to be more friendly, more optimistic and more fun. 
• I try to take care of my health, love myself more, and spend quality time with the people who matter. 
• I try to be thrifty and not use stress as an excuse to go spend-crazy. 
• I try to achieve that ultimate state of simplicity and selflessness made for saints. 
• I try to always look for silver linings beneath the many sad layers of life's daily journeys. 
• I try to be more independent and self-sufficient, but still stay in touch and grounded. 
• I try to smile more, wake up much earlier than I'm used to, and work smarter to make the most of an ideal eight-hour work day. 
• I try to drink less coffee and eat more fruits and vegetables. 
• I try to read more and watch less TV. 
• I try to go on more adventures, with friends or alone. 

I don't even wait for my birthday or the new year to do all these things. I wrote them down --- a long list of random things --- pinned them to my imagined cork-board, and try to live them out every chance I get.. .

And yet not everything goes as planned, right? Other than life being short and bumpy, accidents and detours pair up for the best surprises. To make us stronger or to lead us to the right path.

Yes, I don't always achieve all my resolutions or life goals. Not always on target, or I completely failed. There were momentary successes, and then I realized that that was not the end of it. I kept going. Made mistakes. Started all over again.

There are lessons that I never seemed to perfectly learn. It felt like at some points, I was at a similar bend of the road and still made the same wrong turn. Just too many arts made for life, I think. I keep them in three compartments --- falling (Gene falls), failing (Gene fell) and fulfilling (Gene's fallen). 

I'm okay with rules but I'm also okay with excuses. I just have to know the right venue to give them the reins.

• I may have improved some of my technical skills but I think that I have become ruthless and impatient. My Mama sees the better side of me, nonetheless. Talk about winning the "Mama lottery"? Someday, hopefully I can be patient and kind as Mama.
• I don't think I will ever be a natural in making friends and being fun to be with. I'm alright in my own definition of FUN which may be good as "boredom" for most. This definition showed me treasured friendships so I have no regrets. 
• Loving myself more and being health-conscious are both easy and hard. Easy, because they make me better physically and emotionally. Hard, because the "metrics" are not always easy to measure. On another note, spending quality time with people who matter is NON-NEGOTIABLE for me.
• I am supposed to be thrifty given my roots (half-Ilocana). I may have drops of Chinese blood, too. But I SPLURGE. Most of the time, I do not regret them. Sometimes I do. But then, my mantras are there: "Life is short", "I worked hard and deserve much better", or "Spend that now to feel better or with a shrink much later". (The third one, I just made that up).
• Yes, I am simple. I want less and I'm content with my blessings. But I am unabashedly high-maintenance. It takes me at least 30 minutes to get ready and I'm obsessed with skin care. I have sensitive skin, literally, that I take extra measures to research and look for stuffs free of parabens and sulfates. I hate the smell of cigarettes and other extremely fragrant or unpleasant smells. And I will not be too shy to call you out, cover my nose and mouth, or show the world that your puffs of smoke are causing my allergic rhinitis at that exact moment. Though I think less about ME...More about my family, my dear friends and my eight dogs...
• Bad traffic, lack of discipline, trash and dirt in gutters and sidewalks, impolite strangers and unreasonable demands. I have at least three of these on a daily basis. I think I handle them much better now. I leave the WORK compartment behind, as much as I can, as soon as I step out of the office. I see my long walk to get to the BGC bus as exercise, and I'm usually rewarded with organized queues and better seating. I tidy my room as "OC-ified" as I can so I can forget about the filth of the world outside. Yup, these gets me through the mundane challenges of every day. When the heavy load comes to chop me to pieces, I have enough strength most of the time. If I needed to, I take a few minutes (or hours, when put together) to shed tears and grit my teeth in anger. In frustration. In having maybe too high expectations. And then I MOVE ON. Tomorrow's another day.
• After about nine years of living on my own, I still have MORE room to learn the ropes of being independent. Much more, being self-sufficient. Not achieving the latter in its perfect state is okay. I'm perfectly fine with depending on my dependable circle of family and close friends. The wisdom of older folks keep me sane and grounded. "It's not the end of the world". "I am not invincible".
• I smile at strangers, especially at service personnel who might just need some cheering up in the middle of a tiring day. I say "Thank you" whenever I have reason to. I try to find reasons to wake up early. Like a warm cup of coffee at 7-11, breakfast with my dear early-bird friends at the office, reading a blog post at my first hours of spare time before 8:00 am, or riding a very spacious BGC bus to work. I start work early so I can finish early. If I came in late though, I still try to cut myself some slack. If I needed to stay in the office for much longer, I make time for in-between breaks to unwind and take in some fresh air. A fresh perspective from window-shopping or browsing through books did miracles on most days.
• I love coffee. But I have more strength now to say NO when I already had one cup for the day. The once-a-month challenge may have been hard for me. But at least, it still landed me on the moon. Unless I have a solid excuse (e.g., late nighters, should not be asleep at certain times), I never go for more than one cup of coffee a day. Chamomile and English breakfast tea are my second bests now. I love juices and fruits. I feast on fresh strawberries and bananas as much as I can. Vegetables are plenty when I'm back home in Iloilo. However, in Manila, I limit myself to lettuce, sayote or bean sprouts (my preference).
• Definitely watching less TV now, and reading more books. I prefer no specific genre. Reading any book make up my blissful weekends. I'm also glad to know that I have a two-year 10% discount on imported books c/o my Powercard.
• I love discovering new things. It's not enough that I went to a new place and played tourist like most. I have to EXPERIENCE the place. If someone is coming with me, that's good. If I have to do it alone, why not? I still take calculated risks, though. But I'm game for discovering something new, sometimes getting lost in the process.

What's so special about 33?

It's another magical year, if I may call it that. I'm grateful for all that have come my way, and I don't know what's going to happen. For me, I'm already blessed that I get to live this moment now. With or without resolutions. Make or break. The moon or the stars.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the 32 years and for giving me another chance to start this 33rd.

:)