Collection of Goodbyes

Two things that I've been doing in the past weeks led me to this collection --- First, I was trying to recall / remember / crack my Friendster password, for no apparent reason, so I was going over my old electronic and paper files for some hints and clues. Second, I generally spent my "Holy Week" break cleaning up my room, and in the process stumbled across some old lit pieces / drafts that have gathered dust literally and figuratively. And since it appears that "Goodbye" is my theme for the month, here are some more poems from my past...

(My closest friends may have some ideas on the meanings and non-meanings of these; though I have shelved most bits into supposedly forgettable recesses of my memories, and I'm in the process of retrieving and cataloguing them for good.)

From my very old "Start-of-a-new-life blue notebook" which I used as my journal to document my after-college life...

Written 12/5/2003
our gazes kissed
and i know it's forever
i'ved loved you all my life

Written 12/6/2003
when you think it's over
and your heart says it's not
would you listen more?
or would you feel
the many thousand tears
that spilled out of your heart?
you're still crying
after all these years.

(Why I wrote these two contrasting themes a day after the other, I have no idea.)

Written 8/9/03
sorry love, i flunked again
i let you pass me by

Written 5/21/?? (could be between 2003 or 2004)
I looked away
and chose not to fall
and so the rain missed me.

drops fell
but not on me
not yet.

the rain misses me
so it fell
and bathe my heart.

drops fell
poured over me
soaked me.

I looked through me
chose not to fall
again ever
will the rain miss me?

I also found a "Letters to _______" in my external hard drive, obviously dedicated to ____. It started with an entire letter, in poetry form, saying goodbye and thank you. Then it went on to break the letter into one poem for each line of the original letter. Maybe, someday I can share these to the world, or at least my closest friends.

I also discovered an unfinished one-liner in my PDA saying: "After all these years, maybe we can mend this broken heart."

Looking back at all those "goodbye pieces" I wrote, I'm beginning to figure out a pattern... a vicious cycle. If after-life allows immortal souls to re-live lives and re-learn lessons, then perhaps, in my case, I might be re-living and re-learning the lesson of saying goodbye...properly.

...could be that I didn't absorb this lesson well in my previous lives...
...could be that my present life is giving me all the chances to grasp the idea, with all these people that I could have said goodbye to...the proper way
...but then I blew it several times already...
...could be that I may have a next life to learn my lesson well...
...but while I'm in this life now, I would have to try harder...just in case…


Note: btw, I was able to remember/crack my Friendster password last April 3, haha :)