I am no expert or guru on getting over, letting go or moving on.
I only had my small share of heartaches, a combination of brief and lengthy ones.
I may have yet to meet that one person who will break my heart big time (Knock on wood. To Destiny: Can I say "Pass" please?).
In my brief working life, I've met and worked with different people. I had to overcome the "shy me" in order to interact with complete strangers and sometimes had to "charm" my way around boys and men. That's just part of the job. Some stints or projects are short, some are long enough to build bridges. And so are some of my relationships, including the joys and pains that are expected to go with them. It's mandatory --- I have to say goodbye, get over, let go or move on at some point. To projects. And in a few instances, to that someone who wasn't meant to be.
How did I manage (or do I)? I honestly don't have a definite formula. I just tried listing down my coping mechanisms here --- the ones which seemed to work for me. And the list went on like this:
1. Be honest on why it should be over. Stop romanticizing the ending. It may sound so harsh when you're still hoping for a second chance, a change of circumstances in the future, or for things to be back to the way they used to be. When we hold on, we tend to replay the good times and the great things about the other person. Nothing wrong with this, I guess. Except that these sweet memories tend to overshadow the reality --- probably, the fact that he has done something irreparably painful or that the current situation is not right for both of you (or ever). If you find it hard to accept on your own, go to your friends. A true friend will tell it to your face like a cold splash of water.
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2. Do not over-analyze. Most of us (women) tend to. We can't help it 'cause we are wired to be that way. But for once, just try sticking to the facts. If he left without saying goodbye, as proper gentlemen normally would have done, then take this as is and stop there.
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3. Channel your energy to a new project or interest. Get busy doing something new (discover something different about yourself) or something that you've always loved (before this guy, everything about him and the eventual heartache had zapped out your precious time). Learn how to cook. Take up violin or art lessons. Anything that can take up much of your time. In a good productive way.
4. Listen to sad goodbye / breakup songs and learn to live with the lyrics. They are meant to tell stories, not necessarily your story. You are emotional enough to understand the lyrics, but smart enough to stop associating it with your own version of sadness. The songs are meant to send the messages to the universe, and they're not all about you. Accept the fact that the world will go on, even without you (should you decide to go on a hermitage or lock yourself up). And also the fact that the world will go on even without him.
5. Bring in some sunshine or a vase of lovely things into your room. You don't need a guy to buy you flowers on special occasions 'cause you're entitled to these everyday. See the beauty outside. Cliche as it may sound, stop and smell the roses. And even the violets.
6. Go on a trip. You can do it alone or with your friends. Just removing yourself from the current situation, where all these confusions are happening, may help you see things objectively.
7. Or go home. When things get vague and distracting, I go back to my comfort zone --- I go home. My mom will not ask me the twenty questions. Going back to something familiar --- the grand welcome of my dogs, Mama's home-cooking and my old bedroom --- is an effective way to recharge and reflect. It makes me understand my priorities better and appreciate the things and people that really matter.
8. Find and show the beautiful side of you. Look in the mirror and find the most positive things about you. You deserve better. Have a new haircut or hair color. Have some me-time like a facial, massage or a mani-pedi treat. Learn to apply liquid or gel eye liner like a pro. Soak up in a spa or bubble bath with a glass of wine. Upgrade to the best version of you. Your positivity will show through and radiate to those around you.
9. Do a symbolic ritual of letting go. Write down your angst and pains, tear out that page, place it in a bottle and throw that bottled journal page into the ocean. That or something similar to officially tell yourself, "This is it. I'm letting go." Your heart may not forget him right at that moment (or ever) but you deserve a new chapter in your life. A simple symbolic rite can help you see that there's a deadline to mull things over and a start date for new opportunities. Maybe it will take longer than you think. But setting a target is a good starting point.
That's all for now my dears. I sincerely hope you find your way to move on to a new chapter.
Stay positive and beautiful :)
Love lots,
Gen
* Except for those credited, all photos are from the author's albums.
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